At first �Mr. Golfer� responded politely that he just regularly rotated his photos. Then he firmly stated that his G-rated pics never got a response and whenever a woman who’d posted a nude picture of herself answered his emails, the first thing she asked for was a picture of his �equipment,� since people were on the site looking for sex.
He then provided me a �testimonial� from a woman who wanted the �opportunity to feel [his] balls in [her] hand� as his �huge cock begins pulsating in [her] mouth.�
I would be remiss if I left the story at that. For one thing, many of the men I talked to stated that many of the women on AFF were professionals seeking clients. Mr. Golfer � a gray-haired, self-proclaimed multi-millionaire � never stated whether his �testimonial� came from a professional.
For another thing, I learned from Jim and my shrink friend to be very clear in what I was seeking � words only, for my book only, not sex � and I’d been very clear with Mr. Golfer. Instead of �disappearing� like a chastened boy, Mr. Golfer became aggressive.
�Sex begins in the mind and then builds to the physical touching, kissing, hugging, and finely [sic] the intimate act itself,� he emailed me. �In this case you have stimulated me as much as a cold shower so at this point the chances of me having sex have a peek at this website with you are slim and slimmer.�
�Please don’t think I changed pictures for you, I have 20 women in my network that really want to get laid and some for the second time so please don’t think that was done for you, it was not!�
I wondered if it was just me, the 50-year-old uptight white Southern Baptist chick, who, for the most part, didn’t like receiving unsolicited penis pics.
So I emailed Jessica, a 25-year-old, bisexual chef who cruised Craigslist in search of men for casual encounters, and asked her if penis pics were a turn-on to her
�Jesus, such a male ego thing,� she wrote. And I did find it narcissistic that men seemingly thought that women who had no emotional connection to them would find their penises as amazing as they did. (When Jim was a boy he �constantly� dropped his pants to watch his penis grow and rise, which probably isn’t uncommon for young boys.)
Jessica did appreciate a nice penis and loves to go down on a perfect one
But Jessica found �penises to be more comical than hot. I mean, they have their own agenda. They can stand up. Whee. It’s like a toy. I always just want to flick them with my fingers.�
But she didn’t need a Polaroid of one to put on her mantle � �no thanks� � and that �looking at pictures of dongs is not, in itself, a turn on.� She was more interested in what a man was going to do with that penis.
So while Mr. Weiner may be impressed with his penis and think it is photo-worthy, he is far from the only American male thinking that. Mr. Schmo is too. But Mr. Weiner and Mr. Schmo may want to realize what Dr. Debby Herbenick of the Kinsey Institute told me: �It can be a healthy form of sexual expression when it’s wanted and well-received. However, men and women should avoid sending photos that are sexual in nature if they are unclear as to whether the other person wants them. If they are not sure, they can ask.�
But as I learned in my years of conducting sex interviews, rarely do men ask. Then again, in my experience, there’s rarely a need for a man to ask because when a woman wants to see a photograph of a man’s penis, she says so.